Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
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