Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
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