I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
Randomize
