My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Randomize
