Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Randomize
