What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
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