So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
