laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize
