ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
Randomize
