Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
Randomize
