paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
She looked like Sean Connery with cleft lip. So to answer your question, yes I put it in her butt.
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
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