1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
id be glad to
If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
