tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
Randomize
