I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
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