he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
Randomize