4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
Randomize
