he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
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