where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
