Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
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