remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
Randomize
