everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
Never joke about your clitoris.
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
Randomize
