I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
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