It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
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