no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
Randomize