I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
pop tarts are not kleenex
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Randomize