dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
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