Just fell off a train. Bad.
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
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