can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
Randomize
