first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
Randomize
