Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
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