I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize