We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
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