I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
God, I missed his penis.
Randomize
