i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
