How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
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