You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
