Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
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