Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Randomize
