Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
