new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
you inspire me to be a worse person
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
I need to wash the frat house off of me
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
