You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Randomize
