I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
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