I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
Randomize
