I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
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