Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
Randomize
