like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
Randomize
