Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
Randomize
