i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Randomize
