True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
Randomize
