if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
Randomize
