i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
Randomize
