she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
Randomize
