Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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