Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
I need a beard to bite.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Randomize
