she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
Randomize
