well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
