Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
Randomize
