i just made my gag reflex go away.
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
Randomize
