Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
Randomize
