careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
Randomize
