i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
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