Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
Randomize
