i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
Lo siento on account of my penis...
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
Randomize
