i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Randomize
