I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
