i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
