I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Randomize
