Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
Randomize
